Got thru another day.
No fun to go thru this.
Was grateful for the anti-nausea medicine being pumped in after the benadryl.
Only 1 of 3 meds today.
My life coach suggested I dig deep to find things that will bring me to the clinic every week. My things for this week were: audiobook of Mary Poppins- laughing, time with husband and son afterwards- anticipation, chatting with friends and ride home with friend- support, and expectation that things will hit Monday and Tuesday - hope for an ok weekend. I got there.
My friend told me that this might be an easier week since it was only 1 med but the cumulative effects will slowly make my 'bad' days worse - Monday/Tuesday. So I'll take that anti-nausea medicine quick and early and take it easy as I should.
It was only 4 hours at my oncologist's office vs 7, that was not pleasant at all but ok.
This is the week that hair might start coming out. Oh boy. At least I have many scarves, hats, and such to entertain me once I get it shaved off.
I know it is odd but I'm filling my days. I really miss work. Really miss students. Really miss connections to my colleagues. It isn't fun. I'm enjoying reading when my concentration is there. Enjoying watching shows which I don't have to work too hard at.
I'm turning 41 this Thursday. Oh boy. Turning 40 wasn't great since I had my radical hysterectomy on that day... 41? Chemo treatment effects. Grateful to be here. Grateful to have this chance to celebrate life and be with family and friends but boy, wouldn't mind that future 42 birthday being just a little easier. For me, for my family, and my friends...
A friend who is struggling for a terribly different reason posted on Facebook today something that resonated with me:
"Dear whatever doesn't kill me,
I'm strong enough now.
Found the ecard of it:
I'm not down emotionally right now, actually feeling pretty positive on the day of treatment. Got to go out with my husband and son, try out a new restaurant, wander thru a few shops, pick up craft supplies at the Hong Kong version of a dollar store, and relax with a few shows with my husband tonight. Almost felt like a typical relaxing Saturday afternoon to be honest. I enjoyed every moment, even when my son and I argued over silly things and I had to apologize to my husband about being a grouch this morning when he didn't read my mind. Yes. I was angry and snappy that he didn't read my mind. I'm not a morning person in the first place. Add heading off to chemotherapy and I'm not a fun person to be around, even when I'm trying my best. Poor guy was just in his own world and not worried about me, which he shouldn't have to be 24x7. But talking it out this evening for a few minutes cleared the air, gotta talk things out!!
I went thru a few 'damn it' moments this past week. One was during pre-chemo treatment today when I found out I lost 2 more pounds. Seriously. I'm really eating a LOT and packing it in. Even ate a mini-carton of Happy Cow Coconut Vanilla ice cream tonight... But I'm still losing weight. Damn cancer. My oncologist isn't happy but told me it is normal to lose weight and to "eat". Seriously. I'm freaking eating. Even added in chicken this week which was weird to have back in my diet- treated it as an appetizer as I planned... and I added in bone soup thanks to a friend's generous sharing... My acupuncturist told me to try to drink a cup of it every day. Will try!
The other 'damn it' moment was dealing with the public hospital system for the first time. Good thing- I know what to expect now. Bad thing- I know what to expect now. Blech. I already dislike waiting, and I do have to wait a lot lately. But waiting in an uncomfortable chair, wearing a face mask, seeing 30 other cancer patients, and waiting for 2 hours and 45 minutes wasn't a thrill. The oncologist I met was knowledgeable and plenty experienced and told me that I'm a pretty special case. Yes, special, that's me, I go above and beyond. He said that he wanted me to continue to do chemotherapy through my private doctor so that we didn't interrupt the protocols already set in motion. (Ok) Then he scheduled a follow up appointment in November - scheduled for 10am but he told me to bring my lunch and expect to see him around 2-3pm, seriously!!- to see how I'm doing and whether I qualify for getting radiation through the public system. Basically, he's worried about radiation so close to where I already had it for my breast cancer treatment- me too! But as my wonderful husband said to the doctor when he said this, "Whatever it takes."
And now... moving on. Day by day my friends. THANK YOU for all the support. Grateful. Grateful. Grateful...