Counting Day By Day

I can't believe I'm at this radiation thing again. (That goes through my head a LOT lately.)
Day 2 done. 28 more to go.
I realized I've forgotten so many things from the last two rounds of radiation. Here's what I've forgotten and now remember...
1. the gross brown flip flops I have to wear to the treatment room (not fond of the baby blue hospital outfit either)
2. the blue cloud lights above the CT Tomotherapy machine
3. the piped in music, usually flute, during the treatment
4. the only in Chinese tv screen packed with news in the waiting room
5. Blood pressure/temp check- weekly thing there

Yes. That's enough for now. I don't love this experience one iota but I'll deal.

Asking for help- always a hard thing for me but this time I talked with some of my lovely colleagues who have cars and asked for a ride to the hospital so that I don't have to exhaust myself every day... appreciated the ride today, made it much more positive to transition to radiation and then head home.

As for the treatment, I was relieved yesterday to read about the plan to spare my skin where I was treated previously. Don't know if this is too much to share but here's two documents they gave me a copy of- one lists the regions at risk during this radiation (oy) and the other is the radiation areas... I had (really) a conversation with the radiation as it went in me during both treatments and also my tumor. Told them about where things were going, how complications were unnecessary and the tumor can let go and depart... Similar to talking to the cancer cells and telling them to give up and die during my chemo treatments...

I know I'll just be tired presently during the next few weeks and then the burn will become apparent. I'm quite concerned with possible side effects, they weigh heavily- fistula, heart, lung damage, etc... Hopefully that won't even be an issue. I am happy that I can wear a hat into treatment each time. I did not feel comfortable and was cold when I initially got tests done...

The Stage 4b diagnosis has weighed in more lately for me. Not sure why beyond that conversation I had with my radiologist. Metastatic cancer isn't something that just gets cured or goes away. This is  something I plan defy the odds of and survive thriving, especially with alternative practices- working on food choices and mental health practices...

Presently I do feel a little more than a shadow of myself with energy fluctuating, barely any eyebrows or eyelashes, and that question every day of how long I'll wear the wig... or be willing to go to work with my head exposed. Hair is growing out a little bit but meh... I'll wait for a while since I'm quite cold without something on my head presently... bet when it starts getting hot/humid here in Hong Kong again I'll think differently.
Was lectured today, once again, about wearing a mask, especially at school since kids are germy... Hmm. My poor immune system with this radiation giving it a pounding...

I dealt with an upsetting financial situation and was happy to have it resolved the next day. I am grateful I know how to advocate.... but also thoroughly grateful to the people I called who had more power than me to speak up and settle things that needed settling. I am concerned that what I dealt with is common practice and other patients are taken advantage of as well... hope my speaking up might change practices and help others.

So... there's my reflection.
Shall quiet down for a little while... thanks for journeying with me.