A Sliver of Me and The Journey

Look! My hair is growing out more! :)
This was a few days ago when I had more stamina...

It has been a little while since I journaled... getting thru the days.
The past four days have been rough and frustrating. I've felt nauseated, low appetite, weak, tired, fatigued, and more... and have gotten thru the days best I can. I think this is all due to being off pain medication. Could be a side effect of Avastin as well... It is disturbing how much this pain medication has masked symptoms. I am tempted to go back on the pain medication but it is frustrating since I have to switch to the US brand which is capsules vs. pills so I can't split them in 1/2. Hmm. Going to try to ride out for a few more days. Shall see.
Last week I met with a new Naturopath Dr. Appreciated the visit with him. He had sensible suggestions. Appreciated getting off some supplements that were redundant/not necessary. So many darn supplements to swallow every day. He increased my intake of a fermented mushroom mycelia extract that helps Avastin work better. He also has me taking Melatonin at night- it is really working. I take Melatonin and then do qigong. I also am taking more curcumin. He calls this the emperor of my anti-cancer herbs. He also recommended three new possible oncologists for me. Will be looking into them soon.
Avastin is due again this Friday. Meh. At least I am getting it done closer to home. Less travel time afterwards.
Visited with my acupuncturist recently as well. Appreciated her insight. Calming. She suggested I start doing qigong at night and that's just what I needed to do... I've been consistently doing qigong every night now which is a relief. I know I want to do more but it is ok for now. I'm also going to my first official class soon. Hooray for that...

Place I went today so my kiddo could do a "Mud Run" with the Cub Scouts... kiddo was thrilled. I found this bit peaceful.

Ok, it has been a month since I participated in The Journey experience. I have not made time to reflect on it beyond thinking about it... yet. So, now is a good time I suppose. 
So, one thing about The Journey is reaching into your past and dealing with issues... addressing conflict, to help you heal in whatever way you need. Help your cells heal from old wounds per se. I found this to be quite intriguing, so I went on the process to address my past. And peeled layer after emotional layer and then addressed all the layers one at a time. Sure, this doesn't resolve my issues overall but I appreciated the process. The journey practitioner took notes as I went thru the hour of the journey with her. Here are most of them:
Dear Debbie,

Here are some notes from your wonderful Journey process:

First the emotions, I addressed each one...

Emotional Layer What Source said to it

Sadness “I trust that I need to be sad sometimes.”

Loneliness “Embrace those lonely days. They are still good days, too.”

Sadness “Don’t suppress it.”

Loss “You still have good memories.”

Fear “There is a way around it.”

Anger at being left alone “Embrace it.”

Feeling unloved “You are loved.”

Loneliness “It is good to be alone.”

Lack of trust “It is not necessary.”

Anger at not being listened to “Not worth it.”

Anger that is like depression “Cool off.”

Doubt “Trust yourself.”

Failure “Not worth feeling the guilt.”

Going thru the journey revealed that my ultimate "happy" moments are with my 5 year old self at my "core" where I feel joy... that was interesting since I can barely remember anything from my childhood...

Happiness, the 5 year old you = your experience of Source

After I addressed emotions I went to my "campfire" to address my 12 year old me- when things seemed to have some tumultous memories... I was asked to call on a mentor to provide words of wisdom to my 12 year old me... so this is what came out of me:

Campfire

Your mentor’s words of wisdom for the younger 12 year old you: “Practice more forgiveness. Let go of anger. Speak up when you are uncomfortable. Learn to use your own voice. Don’t hide your feelings. You don’t need to be passive. You can be strong.”

Your mentor’s words of wisdom for the present you: “Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Trust others more. Appreciate the time you have with people.”

Final words of wisdom from mentor: “Trust your gut.”

I was asked to look towards the future. (I dreaded this because thinking about the future sort of sucks in my opinion most of the time. A fact with me as a cancer patient... I've read the book- The Journey by Brandon Bays and knew everything that was coming through this process) Here's what I thought:

Future Pace

1 day: You feel happy.

1 week: Feeling confident, trusting.

1 month: Issue disappearing.

6 months: Issue lessening. Happy, optimistic.

1 year: Proud of yourself. Issue gone.

5 years: Grateful for every minute I am alive! Confident.

Well.
It was an interesting process.
I'm not sure if I'm sharing too much of myself here but... that's part of my journaling, so be it.

The practitioner had these questions as follow up a few weeks after the process occurred:

1. How do you feel the Journey has affected your life, regarding your intention or issue?

The Journey helped me confirm what I was concerned about addressing and dealing with... it helped me refocus my energy/intention on positive moments and celebrating life.  I'm not necessarily sure how it has helped my issue but I know over the past month I'm sleeping a bit better and am able to walk away from frustrating situations in a smoother fashion.

2. Since we last communicated have you noticed any other, possibly unexpected changes in the way your body functions?

• Eye sight
• Eating habits
• Digestive functions
• Stamina
• Energy level
• Breathing patterns

Digestive functions have become better.

I brought qigong back into my daily routine which has helped my breathing patterns immensely.
I haven't seen as much of a change in my eating habits... 

Eye sight isn't much of an issue besides needing sleep more often than not and my eyes being tired from such.

Energy level had been increasing but I've been dealing with some ailments recently that have lowered my energy quite a bit...
I'm sleeping more/slightly better than I have in ages.

3. Since then have you experienced any physical or emotional symptoms of detoxification or release?
I was a bit more emotional over the past month and allowed myself to experience emotions, to not hold back tears, etc. It was a relief to allow myself to cry and release. It was also good to address other emotions as they hit me. I was much more emotional when I had acupuncture than I had been in the past and appreciated that detox.

 

4. Have you noticed any other changes in your emotional experiences? Perhaps in the way you typically react to challenging situations? Possibly in the way you feel about challenging people, or people close to you?

Not too much. I've always been pretty neutral dealing with challenging situations but I did switch to breathing deeply recently when dealing with some frustrating online issues and reminded myself that over the course of a week what was happening wouldn't be that important. I haven't really challenged people close to me as of yet... I'm simply making sure I'm trying my best to communicate my feelings and what I'm thinking and not letting anything get bottled up.

 

5. Is there anything else you would like to share?
Grateful for the journey. I'm looking forward to trying out The Journey process with a friend in a recipriocal fashion in a few weeks. It is cathartic and helpful for dealing with life... Thank you!

So.

That is my recap of experiencing The Journey.

It was interesting.

Certainly brought up some issues. 

L'Shanah Tova, Happy New Year, to my friends celebrating. I'm approaching this new year with as positive an attitude as I can have and doing my best to celebrate what I'm able to do, not look at what my limits are holding me back from and just enjoying life. 

Thanks as always for journeying with me...